Saturday, December 09, 2006
Please join me in lighting a candel today
to celebrate CJ's 17th birthday.
Dear CJ, The three short months you were with me seem like a life time away now but I can still feel you near me at times. As hard as I try I just can't seem to move past the feelings of guilt even though I have been told a million times there was nothing I could have done to change things. I can't express how much I still miss you every day. You did teach me alot in your short time with me. You taught me how important it is to make the most of every day. You taught me to hold your brothers and sisters close no matter what they do to piss me off that day. You taught me to be more patient and forgiving because time is precious and you never know how much time you have. You taught me to be strong and to fight for your family when needed. I was so young when you were born and felt so old after you died I thought the sadness would overcome me some days and still do some days but I am one of the lucky ones I fought the sadness and I'm still fighting. I love you son with all my heart. I will never forget what you have taught me. Thank you so much for being my son even though it was only for a short time.I Love You,Mommy
posted by Trish_momof4 @
1:21 PM
Friday, December 08, 2006
I guess I should have bad days more often. Today I have been feeling very blah and was seariously thinking about cancelling Shelby's PT but I went anyway and she had a great visit she got in the hammock swing to start with and then we put her in the walker and she did great she kicked the ball using both feet and then stepped her feet on the tread mill for about 10 minutes. I am so glad that I forced myself to get off my ass and go because when I do have to miss a session I feel guilty that she can't go because she needs it so much and it helps her so much. I am so ready to have December behind me. Tomorrow is CJ's birthday he would have been 17 this year and for some reason I am having a hard time with it this year. I think part of it is that Nova's 1st birthday was the 2nd nd it's bringing back lots of old memories and feelings for me. I just miss CJ so much and my life has gotten so busy with taking care of the 4 I have here that I don't get a lot of time to let myself feel it or think about it but every year around Thanksgiving I start to get this blah feeling and ot sticks around until after March witch is when he died. Don't get me wrong I love Christmas because I love watching my kids open their presents and see them get the things they wanted. I just hate the month of December and wish we could have Christmas without December. Now that's an idea I'm going to start celebrating Christmas and just ignore the month of December but something tells me that no matter how hard I try it won't work.
posted by Trish_momof4 @
5:05 PM
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Every morning we go through a crazy ritual of the older kids fighting the house getting destroyed and the younger ones usually end up cryingand this morning was no different.Kayla got all pissed off because she was told that since he room was a complete disaster again (she never cleans it up) that she could not stay after school for drill practice, and she got all pissed off and started taking it out on her brother. They kept getting in argument after argument until they had the younger two crying and that still didn't stop them. Justin has a really bad habbit of cussing when he thinks I can't hear him. He called Kayla a bitch and she locked him out of the van and I was ready to scream.Sooooo...... I am starting a new system and I really hope it works. They will get one strike for everything they do wrong, or chore that goes unfinished, or every time they fight with each other, and when they get three strikes aginst them they loose something that they like or want to do. I an hoping that if I can stay consistant with this it will help.Wish me luck with this new system.
posted by Trish_momof4 @
9:28 AM
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
So christmas is on the way and we have this doctors visit about Shelby's scoliosis and low and behold we have to move. This month just completely sucks I guess the powers that be decided that I just don't have enough to do what with taking Shelby to and from school and having therapy 5 days a week now I have to pack up this house while looking for another house, getting all the christmas stuff done, and making sure the kids have what they need on a daily basis. I am just a little stressed to say the least. I will just be glad when I can just sit back and not have to worry for a while (ha like that's ever going to happen) Maybe I just need calgon to take me away.Seariously some days I wish I didn't have all this responsability on my sholders. The older two are always at each others throats and I am really just ready to run away.
posted by Trish_momof4 @
7:12 PM
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