Friday, November 03, 2006
Well December 9th is fast approaching (that is CJ's birthday) and I have been so emotional lately and honestly I'm not sure I will stop being so emotional until after I get through March. I don't know why it is hitting me so much harder this year maybe it is all the other stress I have going on in my life now. I read a study the other day on
CNN that says SIDS might be caused by a genetic abnormality. When I first read this I really wasn't sure what to do with it or how to feel about it and I guess I am still trying to process it but I am also trying not to get my hopes up just in case they do a larger study and find out they were wrong.
When I had CJ I was only 17 and he was my second child and several members of my family thought I had smothered him because I was worried that I couldn't take care of two kids own my own and I fought a long hard battle to make everyone see that I didn't do anything wrong but inside I still blame myself to this day even though the autopsy said clearly that there wasn't anything anyone could have done and there was absolutely no sign of fowl play I still feel responsible because I was his mother and I was supposed to take care of him and I failed. It is really hard for me to let go of that blame and my first response to the article was well great I did do this to him and didn't even know it. I want this study to be true so I can finally begin to forgive myself but by the same token I just am not sure I know how to forgive myself because he was right there in my arms that morning why didn't I wake up when he stopped breathing.
I think I need more time on this one.
posted by Trish_momof4 @
3:50 PM
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Well Halloween is over and I had such a busy day that day I am still recovering. I woke at 6:00 am and got he kids ready to go to school then I went with another mom to a meeting and that went well over all; I went home and got a couple of things done here then I had to pick Kayla up from school and drop her at the dentist go pick Shelby up from school; go back and pick Kayla up from the dentist then I came home fixed dinner got the kids ready to go and then went to meet Erin and her family to go trick or treating. After the night was finally over I was utterly exausted and that night and every night since Ryan has been cutting his molars and has had a runny nose and just felt yuck so he has not slept well so I have still not had a good night sleep yet.
posted by Trish_momof4 @
9:17 PM
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Halloween is fast approaching and the kids are ready to have fun Ryan will be a devil, Shelby a good witch, Justin scream, and Kayla a fairy. Kayla went to a masquerade party for JROTC last night and had a blast and like all teen came home liking a boy. She has hoped all day that he was going to call but he didn't so she has been a little upset but she will get over it.I have always loved taking the kids out for Halloween. The fun of dressing them up in whatever costume they have chosen that year; watching their excitement when someone gives them their favorite treat. Letting them be someone their not if only for one night. I really thought when they got older I would be used to the whole experience and not be so excited about it but I was wrong I still get all excited about it and can't wait till Tuesday to take Ryan for his very first Halloween and watch the older kids have such fun getting all dressed up to have fun.
posted by Trish_momof4 @
6:17 PM
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